Outgrowing A Friendship? How To Decide If It’s Time To Move On

Outgrowing a friendship can be a difficult circumstance to navigate through. Something shifts and, before you know it, the relationship just doesn’t feel like it once did.

While uncomfortable, changes in friendship dynamics aren’t uncommon. If you do feel like you’ve outgrown a friendship, it can seem like working to repair or restore it would just take too much energy – if it’s even possible to get back on track.

You may carry the burden of heavy emotions like guilt, frustration, resentment, uncertainty, and even anger when contemplating whether or not it’s time to let a friendship go. 

In many cases, you may not even try to remove yourself from the relationship or move on!

Even if that’s what’s best for you.

Instead, you may cling to the history you’ve created and the time invested, not wanting to acknowledge this just isn’t working for you anymore, and continue to go through the motions. 

The result? 

You guessed it! 

An unfulfilling relationship. Or, you not showing up as the best friend you could be.

Which leads to more guilt, more frustration, more resentment… you get the idea. 

Reasons For Outgrowing A Friendship

There are many normal reasons you might outgrow a friendship, including:

Long Distance

Physical distance can make it trickier than usual to maintain a close friendship, even with digital tools for connection at your disposal. Virtual hangouts, phone calls, texts and social media can’t replace real-life interactions.

Betrayal of Trust

It’s hard to bounce back when a friend violates your trust or betrays your confidence. Depending on the level of transgression, a betrayal can be an instant friendship killer.

You Make All The Effort

When one person consistently puts in more effort and invests more in the friendship than the other, it can lead to feelings of imbalance and resentment.

You Spend Too Much Time Together

Spending excessive amounts of time together can cramp your need for personal space and development. What was once fun can begin to feel obligatory if your hangouts prevent you from pursuing other things.

There’s Toxic Behavior

Toxic friends will zap your energy and strain your relationship, regardless of how much you try to counterbalance their negativity. It can poison a friendship and make it unsustainable – or worse, rub off on you over time.

You Have Different Values

Fundamental differences in values and beliefs, such as religion, ethics, politics, or lifestyle choices, can create friction and make it challenging to maintain a close bond even if you get along great on the surface.

You’re In Different Stages Of Life

Friendships shift as people navigate through varying stages of life. A woman who’s focused on starting a family may not have the same shared interests or expectations as a woman who’s going through a divorce, or someone who’s focused on travel and career.

Priorities & Goals Don’t Align

Changes in your priorities and life goals can cause you to outgrow a friendship. This is especially true if you’re trying to grow beyond a certain friend’s behavior, perspective, or mindset. If your friend isn’t supportive, it will lead to tension.

There’s A Messy History

Past fights, unresolved issues, unnecessary drama or lingering resentments can build a wall to friendship intimacy. Over time, the messy past can become a roadblock to future growth together if issues aren’t adequately addressed.

Needs Aren’t Being Met

If a friend is unable to meet your emotional, social, or relational needs, it can lead to dissatisfaction. You’ll end up wanting for more and people-pleasing rather than getting your needs met.

When & How To Move On

Great female friendships are gifts from the universe. You meet another person who spins into your orbit and so aligns with your path that you invite them into your inner world. 

There is no law or rule dictates that friendships must last a lifetime. (Although the term “best friend forever” signals otherwise.)

Some of the best relationships in your life may be quite brief when you compare it to the bigger picture. 

If the friendship no longer brings you joy, fulfillment, or support, it may be a sign that it’s not worth your energy to continue pursuing it.

If you’re having reservations about a friendship in your life, consider what would be most rewarding to future-you.

Would you rather:

Look back at a time during which your relationship thrived with integrity with confidence that you left only when that integrity was no longer there?

or… 

Would it be more satisfying to look back at a dull, stagnant friendship that survived only because neither of you had the courage to move on?  

When it comes to pursuing your best self, it’s important to audit friendships that are no longer serving you. 

It’s an key component of intentional, purposeful living.

Moreover, our friendships play such large roles in our life that they easily motivate us or limit us. 

There is simply too much at stake (your fulfillment!) to hold on to something that is no longer motivating you.

Feel empowered to make big choices that will better your life – even when they’re scary or unfamiliar. 

Outgrowing a particular friendship is a testament to your evolution as a person:

1. You either aren’t the person who you once were, or
2. You no longer tolerate certain behaviors or actions you once accepted or overlooked

Make careful considerations, but don’t hesitate to give yourself permission to move on and, ultimately, own your decision. 

If you act as your biggest advocate now, your future self will thank you for getting comfortable with letting go.

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