2 Toxic Comparisons That Affect Your Happiness & Mental Health

Toxic Comparisons Leave You High And Dry

It’s human nature to compare ourselves to others, but there are some toxic comparisons that leave us feeling worse off than others. Without an awareness of how hazardous comparisons are for your mental health, it’s easy to slip into the habit time and again. Even if you know how bad you might feel afterward.

As Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy”. Why would we want to deprive ourselves of joy?!

The list of ways we can compare ourselves to others is endless: appearances, wealth, career, friends, status, partner, children, clothing, home, lifestyle, education, intelligence, personality… you name it. The dominance of social media apps – particularly Instagram – hasn’t helped us compare ourselves to each other any less.  

But, you can work to kick the problematic habit and improve your satisfaction with your life! There are steps you can take to change how much time or emotional energy you invest in this behavior. Read on for tools to help you ditch two highly toxic comparisons once and for all. 

Shift the Habit

Start noticing when that “less-than” feeling starts creeping in. You know, when you’re hyper-focused on what someone else has and suddenly feel like you have nothing to show in comparison.

This is a mental trap. It’s your inner critic at work.

Taking even one second to step back and acknowledge the vulnerability you feel can dramatically reduce the need to fixate on the thought and do more damage.

First, try removing some of the power from the negative thought-spiral with a bit of self-love.

Say “I’m feeling less than worthy of ________ right now. This isn’t founded on anything real. The feeling is temporary and will pass”. Positive mantras can help you get off the negative thought track.

Ground yourself by observing and acknowledging your feelings.

Secondly, take a look at your comparison trends and see just why they are so problematic.

• How do they make you feel?
• What myths do they reinforce?
• How do they keep you from gratitude, success, and confidence?

By doing this you remove the power from the comparison and place it back in your hands.

There are two main toxic comparisons that every woman should avoid making. 

Any improvement will help you preserve your sanity and give you a serious gratitude boost!

Toxic Comparisons – #1

Comparing Your Insides to Someone Else’s Outsides

The opportunity to do this is available 24/7, thanks to social media! It’s almost impossible to avoid seeing how seemingly great other people’s lives are.

What you must remember here is that you are comparing your complex insides – everything you experience, know, think, feel, desire, dream, love – with someone else’s surface-level outsides.  Like the car they drive, who they’re dating, their appearance, or the highlight reel they’re showcasing. 

So if you’re feeling less than joyful, content, or fulfilled, this comparison tells you to regard the picture of a woman smiling with her husband on vacation and think her life is perfect (even if it’s a staged moment).

This comparison is fruitless because you really have no idea what’s going on in someone else’s inner world.

In these moments, be kind to yourself. Over our lifetimes, society has conditioned us to react this way to external stimuli. As women, we often learn at a young age to view other women as competition.

We’re taught that we’re only worth love, attention, or recognition if we’re better than someone else.

None of that is true.

By recognizing your patterns you can break loose from some of that conditioning. Try reciting a few positive, energizing mantras that remind you of how capable you are. Set boundaries around things, or people, that don’t make you feel great.

Toxic Comparisons – #2

Comparing Your “Right Now” to Someone Else’s “Best Ever”

The second of the two major toxic comparisons is comparing wherever you’re at in life to someone else’s greatest accomplishment or highest achievement.

The mind loves to do this.

In essence, you might find that you’re contrasting your rolling slopes, valleys, highs, and lows with someone else’s absolute peak. It’s easy to ignore that you’re on entirely different paths with different arrival times!

It’s also easy to overlook the journey behind their achievement, the lows they must have endured, all the goals they had to set, and the strength they had to muster along the way.

This kind of comparison is not only toxic to you but incredibly discounting to the other party. When you fall into this negative thought space you might feel disconnected and discontent rather than empathetic and inspired.

You might feel resentful and robbed (of something that was never really yours to begin with) instead of supportive and encouraging.

Make yourself aware of when you feel this specific comparison loop creeping up on you. When you have examples of when you feel this way, you can start to figure out why. 

What’s the trigger that makes you feel less-than?

Everyone gets caught in comparison traps, but don’t let this one run rampant without putting it in check! 

Your mental health is at stake.

An Improved State of Mind

Breaking the toxic comparisons habit entirely might not be possible in today’s world. But if you look inside yourself to examine the knee-jerk instinct to compare (which society has conditioned all of us to do), you’ll take a big step in the right direction.

This mindful practice can inspire an abundant, grateful mindset and a renewed connection with others. Both of which will lead to a mental health boost.

From there, you can continue to take inventory of your habits, motivate your personal growth, and make positive changes as you go.

No matter what you’ve learned or where you’re at in your journey, you have the power to make a shift.

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