Why It’s So Hard To Take Accountability For Your Mistakes

The Accountability Problem 

As an adult, it’s safe to say you’ve made your fair share of mistakes.

That you have some dirty laundry.

Or regrets.

Painful memories of your actions.

Like cringe-worthy slip-ups and social flubs.

Reminders of behavior you’d rather forget. Everyone has pasts full of mistakes. People say things they don’t mean, promise things they never do, forget to show up, or act out in ways that don’t align with their true character.

You may have trespassed against boundaries or neglected to give respect. Maybe there were times you stayed silent when you should have spoken up. There are moments you just wish didn’t happen… if only because you can’t stand that you were at fault. 

So when it comes to taking accountability, why is it so hard for so many of us to look at our mistakes objectively?

It can feel impossible to find the courage to take inventory of your mistakes – whether you made them five minutes ago or fifteen years ago – let alone consider taking accountability for them.

Mostly, it hurts. If it feels like much more than just a mental block whenever you try to confront your flaws, you’re not alone. 

As you journey ahead you must constantly look back, examine your actions, and take ownership of them. The good and the bad. Identifying some of the most common reasons you resist self-assessment and change will only strengthen you moving forward.

Here are seven reasons why it’s so dang hard to confront those moments when you weren’t your best self.

I highly recommend that you purchase the Empowered Women Series workbook bundle to accompany this blog if you want to get serious about your growth (it includes a ‘Taking Accountability’ resource).

7 Reasons Why It’s Hard To Take Accountability For Your Mistakes

1. You Want To Believe You’re ‘Good’

It’s not often that people enjoy feeling badly about the things they’ve said or done. The shame of acting in a way that brings judgment from and hurts others is real. The discomfort of looking back on a moment in time when you were less than your best self is palpable.

Shame, which can flush your cheeks, tighten your chest, and induce that ‘oh god…’ sinking feeling is a great motivator for avoidance.

When you avoid, you don’t have to feel those big hard feelings.

However, avoidance doesn’t change reality. Changing your views about shame, and reminding yourself that you’re always worth a second chance, can help you better navigate accountability.

2. You Want To Be Perfect

Perfectionism is arguably the prettiest of the destructive qualities you have to wrestle with as an empowered, evolving woman.

It appears innocent enough, attractive even, but at its core, it doesn’t do you any favors. For one, perfection is unattainable in most cases. Second, striving for it – the thing that doesn’t exist – is maddening.

You might constantly feel like you’re letting yourself or others down. When it comes to looking back on and taking accountability for your mistakes, the desire to be perfect can blind you from facing reality: that you aren’t.

(No one is.)

Neither are your actions. But as long as you’re striving for perfection, you’re going to try to tell yourself that anything outside of that is unacceptable. In reality, you’re only human and that is OK.

3. You Want To Be Right

One of the biggest and perhaps most clear-cut reasons you might avoid taking responsibility for your actions (past or present) is because it’s hard to admit fault.

As in, you can’t admit you weren’t right. Like… you were the opposite. Just wrong. (Read more about how needing to be right can backfire here).

It’s incredibly difficult for the ego to give up a fight. It hangs onto a narrative that serves your pride instead of one that tells an objective story. Remember, there are always two sides to every story. Challenging the ego is difficult but doable.

Try asking yourself this question: ‘what would happen if I chose to believe that I wasn’t in the right?’.

Usually, the answer falls somewhere between more compassion and more clarity. 

4. You Want To Avoid The Pain

Well, if you haven’t behaved that way or said that thing in a while there’s just no reason to revisit that, right?

Ehh… it’s not that easy.

It’s tempting to avoid analyzing the root of your actions when a lot of time has passed since your mistake. And of course, it feels much safer, less scary. After all, time heals all wounds… doesn’t it? If you want to grow (and repair your relationships), you have to face your burdens head-on, even though there will always be a million reasons not to.

If you’re going to carry around cringe-worthy memories, shouldn’t they serve a purpose?

If you feel uncomfortable about your role in an incident every time its memory revisits you, it’s time to confront it. 

5. You Aren’t Ready To Change

For many women, taking proper accountability for their mistakes is something that must be learned in adulthood.

This means challenging the internal comfort (real or manufactured) that keeps you safely tucked away from your humanness.

It’s difficult to understand the motivations for your undesirable actions without a willingness to change long-held beliefs. But if you don’t make the choice to change, you’ll end up repeating the same patterns that leave you feeling not-so-great.

When you free up your mind to change your perspective, you grow as a woman and get to witness beautiful new results. 

6. You Want To Fit In

There’s something incredibly alluring about being one of a group, isn’t there? The creature comforts and sense of belonging that accompany a tight-knit community are undeniable.

There are times, though, when your actions or words reflect a group intention instead of your own.

Your mindset hovers right around the collective average of the group you spend the most time with – whether your family, closest friends, coworkers, or another community group.

Not everyone has an interest in healthy, productive tools for self-growth, but you must prioritize your needs above those around you even if it makes others uncomfortable.

Otherwise, you might make excuses for your behavior because it’s just easier to people-please. (Learn how to stop that pesky habit here.)

7. You’re Not That Person Anymore

It may be hard to admit that who you are now is the same person who made the mistakes that are still haunting you. Whether they were so many days, months, or years ago. Society might have you stuck on an idea that you’re headed for a destination where you have it ‘all figured out’.

Naturally, if you follow that model, you would run from the past and forget it ever happened.

You can only keep evolving by admitting your faults, owning your past, and most importantly making amends for them. If you continue to do that, you’ll enjoy the perks of this elusive destination while you ride out your journey.

Taking accountability for your mistakes is one of the most powerful gifts you can give yourself. It allows you to heal, find peace, and mend relationships. It gives you the opportunity to lead with your true character and show up more sincerely for those you care about.

You can also participate in society on a larger and more selfless scale by serving a purpose beyond your own: to listen, learn, and support those around you. 

P.S.

• Visit the Female Mind Unleashed Shop to get personal growth resources and workbooks (including one on taking accountability in and out of sobriety!)